10:10 a.m.
Hi guys - thanks for all your posts and the nice comments about my lecture, delighted you enjoyed it and were inspired. I'll address some of your questions here, including how to be a winner (and attract other winners), live a balanced life, prioritize your life and get things done.
[NOTE: this was getting so long I’ve decided to break it up into chunks. So here then is Chunk #1 with more chunks to follow. Look forward to hearing from you guys, good luck with finals!!]
SUCCESS BEGINS WITH A DECISION
First, you DECIDE you will be successful. Then define what success means to you.
This is hard. Material success is what most folks see and focus on, because we're constantly encouraged to go for material success. Hey, I like money, don't get me wrong. Can you take yourself out of your current environment where you are influenced by family, friends, teachers, the media, your social groups and all those with whom you interact, look deep inside yourself and figure out what you really care about? And if money is a priority (there's nothing wrong with this, by the way), what do you hope money will achieve for you? Freedom? Make you more attractive to the opposite sex? Enable you to travel? Be powerful? Amusingly, once they’ve thought this through, money turns out not to be the end goal for most people (even though they may think it is), they really want what money can DO for them. Frequently there are shortcuts to exactly what you want.
Either way, few people do the deep ongoing introspection required to arrive at answers to questions like, "Who am I? Why am I here? What's my purpose?"
With the speed of modern life being what it is these days, especially for young people, folks don't take time to stop and think. Constant distractions make this nearly impossible - blaring radios and TVs, friends and family, constant emails texts and phone calls, school, job, spouse / significant other, noise noise noise. To me it's a lot of built-in distraction designed to keep us ill-at-ease, never quite sure of ourselves and therefore much more dependent on placebos like shopping, food, lots of meaningless activities, entertainment and being told what to do by others (the government, marketers, corporations). We’re easier to deal with (and ultimately control) when we’re unfocused and not living with clear purpose. Also, being unfocused makes us MUCH better consumers (we spend more) but ultimately doesn't satisfy us and what I believe is an inner desire for purpose and meaning in life (except for the truly shallow). What we have now is a grand-scale existential crisis exemplified by people trapped in perpetual activity that accomplishes nothing but gives the illusion of productivity. People are squandering the precious time of their lives on meaningless things, pursuits and activities.
Chunk #2
PURPOSE AND PRIORITIES
When you know what your purpose is, then it’s easier to prioritize. But how to find purpose? You have to at least ask yourself that question and think about it a lot. I find it helpful to do my thinking in a quiet spot in nature, without my cel phone or any distractions. I love going for long hikes with my dog - that's good for deep thinking. Also, exercise (in nature) and away from distractions of people, friends, phones is also a good time to think. I prefer nature, I feel closer to my own source and power, I feel literally more grounded (did you know that some doctors recommend that sick people walk barefoot through grass regularly to get grounded? Has proven results. Interesting, eh?).
My purpose is to be of service to others. Which is not to say I’ll do your laundry even if you ask nicely (smile). This is immensely helpful in setting my priorities every day, week, month and year. An excellent mental exercise in Stephen Covey’s “7 Habits of Highly Effective People” (which I highly recommend) really helped clarify my own purpose to me.
The exercise is for you to imagine yourself as a fly on the wall at your own funeral, and then to imagine what all your loved ones say about you in their eulogies. And what exactly do you hope they will they? That you were a great dresser? Drove a German car? Owned 14 properties around the world? Wore cool shoes? If you’re like most people, you hope people will say favorable things about you. I want people to say how helpful, kind, generous and honest I was, that I cared for people and helped folks in meaningful ways ranging from the school for bonded labor children in Bangalore where I volunteer to hopefully helping you guys at Fullerton a bit. I want folks to say that I was useful, likeable and a joy to be around, that I made a meaningful contribution.
The next step of the exercise is to ask yourself, “Am I living my life now in the way in which I want to be remembered?” Remembering this helps me to compile my To Do list every day, and I always include a few personal phone calls, emails, reach-outs, visits, etc., human-to-human contact because that’s so important. It’s grounding, reassuring and meaningful.
I can share more with about To Do lists if you’re interested, let me know.
I also recommend having a look at Covey’s Four Quadrants in his “7 Habits” book which breaks down virtually all of the activities in our lives into 4 areas (or quadrants – see diagram here: http://www.brefigroup.co.uk/acrobat/quadrnts.pdf):
Important Urgent
Not important Not urgent
Basically, says Covey, most of us spend most of our time on activities in the Urgent and Not Important categories (mostly time-wasting activities). With better discipline and an understanding of what we want to accomplish (our purpose), it would be much easier to shift our focus to spend time on the Important and Not Urgent categories.
Chunk #3
GET THINGS DONE
Have you ever noticed that the thing you avoid the most is usually the thing that’s really important to do? Notice how you do some things happily and procrastinate at almost competitive professional levels to avoid others. Notice that you avoid certain things, and ask yourself why.
I notice this about myself, and I don’t let it slide. I’ll examine the tasks or activities I avoid and figure out why. Usually, there’s a discomfort level associated with avoiding something – I don’t want to confront someone, I’m afraid my request will be met with a “no,” or I’m uncertain how to proceed so I just put it off. Or maybe I’m afraid the answer to my request will be “yes!” and this will result in a ton of work, follow-up, etc. Once I notice this however, I’ll look carefully at the reason why I’m avoiding something and usually find it’s pretty flimsy, that I’ve just put up a pointless mental block for myself.
This derives from The Comfort Principle. T. Harv Eker (author of “Secrets of the Millionaire Mind” – also recommended) says that your Comfort Zone equals your Wealth Zone, and that the larger you can make your Comfort Zone, the larger your Wealth Zone will be (which means you’ll earn loads of dough). The difference between wealthy people and those financially challenged is that the wealthy persist and take action even when they are uncomfortable. They don’t let unfamiliarity with a situation or set of circumstances stop them from taking action, even it his may result in making a mistake. This sets them apart because most people stop at the first sensation of discomfort or “I don’t know what to do now” in a new situation.
Most of us sense discomfort and retreat. Most people prefer turning on the television and vegging out to really digging down into something unfamiliar and uncomfortable like researching a new software program, writing a life plan or goals, writing a marketing plan and so on. Turning on the tube is comfortable (short term) and breaking new ground usually isn’t.
This goes back to what I emphasized in my lecture, that you must find the confidence in yourself to take risks and to be OK with messing up now and then. That’s the only real way to learn and to push your boundaries, to try something you haven’t tried before, even when it makes you nervous and uncomfortable.
I’m sure you can all think of scenarios in which you were worried to do or say something, you then did (or said) it and it turned out to be just fine, and not nearly so bad as you imagined.
Turn your imagination toward thinking how good a thing can turn out to be rather than turning it to worry and fear. When you’re faced with a thorny situation and you don’t know how to proceed, think about it before you go to bed, and turn the problem over in your mind, look at it from every angle. Then right before you fall asleep, say to yourself, “I believe in the best possible outcome for this situation” and put worry out of your mind. Your subconscious will take over, and you may find you’ve arrived at an interesting salutation or alternative in the morning.
# # #
GET THINGS DONE
Have you ever noticed that the thing you avoid the most is usually the thing that’s really important to do? Notice how you do some things happily and procrastinate at almost competitive professional levels to avoid others. Notice that you avoid certain things, and ask yourself why.
I notice this about myself, and I don’t let it slide. I’ll examine the tasks or activities I avoid and figure out why. Usually, there’s a discomfort level associated with avoiding something – I don’t want to confront someone, I’m afraid my request will be met with a “no,” or I’m uncertain how to proceed so I just put it off. Or maybe I’m afraid the answer to my request will be “yes!” and this will result in a ton of work, follow-up, etc. Once I notice this however, I’ll look carefully at the reason why I’m avoiding something and usually find it’s pretty flimsy, that I’ve just put up a pointless mental block for myself.
This derives from The Comfort Principle. T. Harv Eker (author of “Secrets of the Millionaire Mind” – also recommended) says that your Comfort Zone equals your Wealth Zone, and that the larger you can make your Comfort Zone, the larger your Wealth Zone will be (which means you’ll earn loads of dough). The difference between wealthy people and those financially challenged is that the wealthy persist and take action even when they are uncomfortable. They don’t let unfamiliarity with a situation or set of circumstances stop them from taking action, even it his may result in making a mistake. This sets them apart because most people stop at the first sensation of discomfort or “I don’t know what to do now” in a new situation.
Most of us sense discomfort and retreat. Most people prefer turning on the television and vegging out to really digging down into something unfamiliar and uncomfortable like researching a new software program, writing a life plan or goals, writing a marketing plan and so on. Turning on the tube is comfortable (short term) and breaking new ground usually isn’t.
This goes back to what I emphasized in my lecture, that you must find the confidence in yourself to take risks and to be OK with messing up now and then. That’s the only real way to learn and to push your boundaries, to try something you haven’t tried before, even when it makes you nervous and uncomfortable.
I’m sure you can all think of scenarios in which you were worried to do or say something, you then did (or said) it and it turned out to be just fine, and not nearly so bad as you imagined.
Turn your imagination toward thinking how good a thing can turn out to be rather than turning it to worry and fear. When you’re faced with a thorny situation and you don’t know how to proceed, think about it before you go to bed, and turn the problem over in your mind, look at it from every angle. Then right before you fall asleep, say to yourself, “I believe in the best possible outcome for this situation” and put worry out of your mind. Your subconscious will take over, and you may find you’ve arrived at an interesting salutation or alternative in the morning.
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